Rounds 3 and 4....NOT so good!!! Went for Round 3 last week and had an allergic reaction to the chemo Taxol. Apparently, what I thought was anxiety on weeks 1 and 2 were actually reactions to this chemo. By round 3 I was having severe chest pains that felt like they were going into my throat. Little did I know it, but that was not good!!! It was beginning to constrict my throat. They pulled me off of it and gave me a large dose of steroids. It stopped within 5 mins. They said that the reactions get worse each time you administer it and that is why it wasn't too bad the first 2 times. They talked about reviewing it when I returned this week for my 4th treatment and possibly putting me on something else. I was worried about the side affects of this new chemo as I have been doing rather well on this one. I have been tired, more so this week than any and I have begun loosing a little hair. Nothing noticeable yet. Oh...have I mentioned that I am gaining weight??? I am blaming that on the steroids.

So I went in yesterday for Round 4 and to see what new chemo they would be giving me. Well, it was God working because I was praying that the affects not be that bad and well, my Oncologist took me off of that chemo all together and has decided not to give me anything else in its place. Not only that, but my weekly treatments have now been reduced to every 3 weeks of Herceptin only. I was extremely upset!!! Here I was praying that the Chemo that they give me not make me sick and now I was praying for them to give me something!! I was very scared! I felt like that I just lost that extra insurance that would make sure that the cancer was gone and that it was little extra added bonus to the Herceptin. I felt out of control once again! He told me that basically my cancer was not responding to the chemo that is out there for Breast Cancer. He said that I had 3 out of the 4 the first time I went through this and they obviously didn’t work since the cancer came back and now the 4th one would be deadly for me to continue. What do you say to that? I keep thinking that there has got to be something else out there!! Everything that I have read so far says that Herceptin works best when combined with a Chemo. That has now been taken away from me. Does that mean that my chances of the cancer either still being there is greater or that the cancer will return? I know that this drug Herceptin is supposed to be great!! It treats the most aggressive Breast Cancer that is out there, which is what I have, but how can I ensure that? They have taken one step out that I thought was key to my treatment.

So I say that God must be working in this cause after speaking to my wonderful boyfriend Darryl and my good friend Vicki they made me realize that maybe I don’t need the additional Chemo. Maybe the cancer is gone and this is God’s way of saying “There is no need for you to continue with these side affects. You are healed.” At Praise and Worship practice the other night we talked about what was keeping you from turning your back on the world and to turn to God instead. Most of us said FEAR. It is nice to hear that others have the same thoughts as you because that is my thing. Fear. Fear of surrendering all of yourself with full trust. Who can do that?? I want to so bad, so here I go……… I will trust in him that all things will be taken care of. If I fall, I will get up and put my trust in him once again. I am still scared. I am still scared that in two weeks when they do my PET scan and bone scan, they will find that the cancer has spread. I have been asking for a bone scan for a couple of weeks now. I get these feelings sometimes that I just want to go away!! It is like I already know what is going to happen sometimes. So I will say aloud “I rebuke this.” I am not perfect and I know that I will fall and I won’t be strong all the time, but I will get through this. I guess it is the “not knowing” once again that gets to me. My control factor kicks in.

Here are the positives out of this. No more hair loss, no more fatigue, no more sinus issues, no more digestive issues, no more of my body feeling like it is on FIRE, no more weekly Dr Appts with my oncologist and no more weekly blood tests. It will still take roughly 3 weeks for the remaining chemo that is in body to go away. I will still have these side affects until then.

I will still continue to do some research to make sure that this is my best option. I have already contacted the Cancer Centers of America and I plan on making an appointment with an Oncologist at St. Vincent’s Hospital for a second opinion. I figure that between the second opinion and prayer I will get the answers I need. Until then, please pray that I gain the peace that I need to deal with this.