My Journey

On this blog I intend to document my journey through Breast Cancer again. Yes again. This will be my second go with this disease and I figured this would be a great way to communicate with my family and friends and keep them informed as to what is going on with me.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Rounds 3 and 4....NOT so good!!! Went for Round 3 last week and had an allergic reaction to the chemo Taxol. Apparently, what I thought was anxiety on weeks 1 and 2 were actually reactions to this chemo. By round 3 I was having severe chest pains that felt like they were going into my throat. Little did I know it, but that was not good!!! It was beginning to constrict my throat. They pulled me off of it and gave me a large dose of steroids. It stopped within 5 mins. They said that the reactions get worse each time you administer it and that is why it wasn't too bad the first 2 times. They talked about reviewing it when I returned this week for my 4th treatment and possibly putting me on something else. I was worried about the side affects of this new chemo as I have been doing rather well on this one. I have been tired, more so this week than any and I have begun loosing a little hair. Nothing noticeable yet. Oh...have I mentioned that I am gaining weight??? I am blaming that on the steroids.

So I went in yesterday for Round 4 and to see what new chemo they would be giving me. Well, it was God working because I was praying that the affects not be that bad and well, my Oncologist took me off of that chemo all together and has decided not to give me anything else in its place. Not only that, but my weekly treatments have now been reduced to every 3 weeks of Herceptin only. I was extremely upset!!! Here I was praying that the Chemo that they give me not make me sick and now I was praying for them to give me something!! I was very scared! I felt like that I just lost that extra insurance that would make sure that the cancer was gone and that it was little extra added bonus to the Herceptin. I felt out of control once again! He told me that basically my cancer was not responding to the chemo that is out there for Breast Cancer. He said that I had 3 out of the 4 the first time I went through this and they obviously didn’t work since the cancer came back and now the 4th one would be deadly for me to continue. What do you say to that? I keep thinking that there has got to be something else out there!! Everything that I have read so far says that Herceptin works best when combined with a Chemo. That has now been taken away from me. Does that mean that my chances of the cancer either still being there is greater or that the cancer will return? I know that this drug Herceptin is supposed to be great!! It treats the most aggressive Breast Cancer that is out there, which is what I have, but how can I ensure that? They have taken one step out that I thought was key to my treatment.

So I say that God must be working in this cause after speaking to my wonderful boyfriend Darryl and my good friend Vicki they made me realize that maybe I don’t need the additional Chemo. Maybe the cancer is gone and this is God’s way of saying “There is no need for you to continue with these side affects. You are healed.” At Praise and Worship practice the other night we talked about what was keeping you from turning your back on the world and to turn to God instead. Most of us said FEAR. It is nice to hear that others have the same thoughts as you because that is my thing. Fear. Fear of surrendering all of yourself with full trust. Who can do that?? I want to so bad, so here I go……… I will trust in him that all things will be taken care of. If I fall, I will get up and put my trust in him once again. I am still scared. I am still scared that in two weeks when they do my PET scan and bone scan, they will find that the cancer has spread. I have been asking for a bone scan for a couple of weeks now. I get these feelings sometimes that I just want to go away!! It is like I already know what is going to happen sometimes. So I will say aloud “I rebuke this.” I am not perfect and I know that I will fall and I won’t be strong all the time, but I will get through this. I guess it is the “not knowing” once again that gets to me. My control factor kicks in.

Here are the positives out of this. No more hair loss, no more fatigue, no more sinus issues, no more digestive issues, no more of my body feeling like it is on FIRE, no more weekly Dr Appts with my oncologist and no more weekly blood tests. It will still take roughly 3 weeks for the remaining chemo that is in body to go away. I will still have these side affects until then.

I will still continue to do some research to make sure that this is my best option. I have already contacted the Cancer Centers of America and I plan on making an appointment with an Oncologist at St. Vincent’s Hospital for a second opinion. I figure that between the second opinion and prayer I will get the answers I need. Until then, please pray that I gain the peace that I need to deal with this.

6 Comments:

At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Joyce Graves said...

11/06/06
My dearest Tasha,
I'm so sorry to read you are still having a rough time with your treatments.
I also know what it feels like to have doubts and fears of my own
concerning things in my life including life threatening serious illness. Including the feared uterine cancer that took away the only baby I would ever have.
How I ache for you to know about this struggle you are going through.
There is a place of refuge to which you can run when the fears ,doubts, and weakness of faith can over come you no matter how hard you try to hold on.
Run to GOD run and hide under the shadow of his wings. There you can safely abide. My favorite Psalm 91 tells us that he is our shield and protection in him to put our trust.
We cannot trust in mankind for all the right answers to every stiuation in our life. Not because we are wrong or dishonest but simply because we are human and we were not created to posess all knowledge about every thing.
GOD holds the answers to all things
My dear niece my hope for you is to make sure your soul stays healed no matter what may come to you in the natural. I know that is some thing we all need to stay prayed up about.
When I started having all this illness I learned by keeping my soul well I did not fear the physical as much because it was under his wings.
So my sister in CHRIST JESUS I will pray for your strength both spiritual as well as physical.and just remember you are one of the bravest women I know and I'm proud to have you for a niece and as an example as to how to fight to live and to live for GOD. Love A. Joyce

 
At 10:30 PM, Anonymous Jason (Marie's Bro-in-law) said...

Natasha,
I have only met you once, but have been praying for you!! Because of your courageous fight against cancer you have inspired me to reach others with the word of early cancer detection. I am an RN in Indiana. I usually work with Cardiology patients, but today I started a part-time job. With two other nurses, we are traveling to various High Schools, locally and as far as an hour away. The two women speak to the high school girls about breast cancer and self breast examination. By power point presentation and a video, I speak to the high school boys about Testicular cancer and self testicular examination. Early detection is our mantra.

Your strong spirit and your faith in the Lord is a positive example to us all. With God, all things are Possible!! May you continue to stand firm in your faith and fight. Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."

 
At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Grandma Colter said...

Dearest Tasha
You will always have my prayers and support, you have been such an inspiration to everyone no matter the battle we must not give up. I can not even imagine the feelings you must have sometimes, and fear sweeps over you. You know there is a poem I have of Mary Cowen that says when you are in "Wit's End Corner" Jesus is always there. It is natural to fear the unknown, but the Lord will give us the strength in the hour of need. I love you more than you will ever know and am so grateful that you were chosen to be my grandchild. A little poem for you. May you be encouraged.
HE GATHERS EVERY TEARDROP
Regardless of the circumstances,
Regardless of the fear,
Regardless of the pain we bear,
Regardless of the tear.
Our God is ever in control
Performing as He should,
And He has promised in His Word,
To work things out for good.
But as a loving Father would,
He sometimes lets us cry
To cleanse the hurt out of our
heart,
To wash it from our eye.
Yet gently gathers the tears
Within His hands to stay
Until He turns them into pearls,
and gives them back someday.
(Author: Glenda F. Davis)

One day honey your tears will be pearls and God will give them back. Always know that you are never alone in this fight. We will be fasting for you between now and your next appointment trusting for a good report.
Grandma Colter

 
At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Marce King said...

Dear Natasha,
I am Marce, Marie's sister-in-law. I have met you a couple of times. I am just dumb struck by the tremendous courage you have and share with others. Your attitude and actions are a great testimony of your faith in God! I recently went on a women's retreat and met a woman who was a breast cancer survivor. she really helped me to understand what a battle cancer really is, and how having a fight attitude is so important. Kepp up the good fight! I am praying for you.

Marce King

 
At 7:54 AM, Anonymous Cheryl said...

HI sweet girl,

I didn't know all of this.. it's so hard to trust!!! SO hard. The enemy so depends on us having fear to render us ineffective tools for our God- I am praying for you to turn into Super Woman , the cancer fighting Super Heroine!! Through Christ who loves me, all things are possible. Praying for you, praying God to take this cup from you and that it is DONE with.. so you can get on with the rest of your life , serving HIM!

I LOVE love you,
Cheryl

 
At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Natasha,

You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Your courage is amazing. We pray that with each day your body will heal and you will one day be back to good health. You are perfect in our eyes; but you know that already don't you?

Please know that you are loved and thought about often. You are an inspiration to all who know you.

May God continue to bless you,
Sandy and Tom (Marie's In-laws)

 

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