My Journey

On this blog I intend to document my journey through Breast Cancer again. Yes again. This will be my second go with this disease and I figured this would be a great way to communicate with my family and friends and keep them informed as to what is going on with me.

Monday, August 28, 2006

The "C" Word

So I have been anxiously awaiting (forever!!) for my results on the pathology. First there was a preliminary that I was suppose to get on Weds, the day of surgery, and then I was also suppose to have something else by Friday. Obviously that did not happen!!! Can I just tell you how difficult it is to go day by day not knowing what the next day or week will hold? Not sure if you have to have another surgery or if you will have to begin Chemo next week and making contingency plans at work "just in case". The "NOT KNOWING"!!!

Anyway, I got the phone call today from my Surgeon after I called about 3 times. I guess some Doctors deal with so many patients that they really don't think about the person on the other end and how even a couple of hours seems like an eternity. I try not to hold it against them as I know that they have alot they have to deal with as well. "Invasive Ductal Carcinoma" he says, which means my cancer is back. Not exactly sure how I was feeling. I kind of went through an up and down thing. One minute I was ok, the next minute.... not so good.

I tried to prepare myself for this as much as I possibly could and I think I did a decent job. I guess having cancer before prepares you for what you are about to face. Alot of praying took place, which helped me more than words can say!! Thank you to everyone!!! I truely felt the prayers, but I can't help to wonder did I pray enough? Did I do something wrong? I know that God only gives us what we can handle and I have no question that there is a reason for all of this, but was there something else I could have done? Now, I know all of you out there is saying "No Natasha, you did nothing wrong", but do you ever feel that way? I find myself questioning did I do everything that I could possibly do? I guess feeling this way could be normal and I am sure that I am still trying to justify it.

I have an appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday at 2:15pm and I plan on calling my other Doctors tomorrow, so that we can get the ball rolling. I would be in their office tomorrow if I could!! I will be sure to keep everyone updated!! Love you all!!!


At 12:01 PM, Blogger Addie said...

Hi Natasha! I am a friend of Marie's here in KC and wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

I also wanted to assure you that you did NOTHING to bring this on. And I hope the phrase "God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle" doesn't weigh you down even more. I think sometimes it's said to encourage, but what it might do is make you feel like you should be handling things better. The better phrase might be "God doesn't give you anything that HE can't handle."

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I also wanted to tell you about another blog I found awhile back. She's been blogging for a few months. They started the blog after she was diagnosed with Leukemia. Her name is Amy, she's a Christian and her blog is.

I will continue to pray for you as you continue on "your journey"

God Bless!

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Marie said...

As your sister, (and because humor is the way that I deal with EVERYTHING!) I would like to say that Yes, there is a lot more you could have done...maybe eaten more chocolate or baked your family some goodies every now and again. I mean that's how it works, right?! The more good you do, the less bad that happens to you? WHATEVER!!! You know how I feel about the whole situation and it's a good thing I don't have my "sailor's mouth" anymore but instead it has been replaced by a Christ filled heart. He is there with you and he will see you through it all...good or bad. Just know that I am praying for the good but I will be there for the bad too. I am always a breath away! Love you (more than words, more than blood!)

At 7:39 PM, Blogger Christine said...

I think we all wonder what hand we have in hard times that are thrown our way. I know I have.

Thanks so much for the update. Not being there, I feel some what out of touch... this (and Sarah's phone calls) helps a lot! If you need anything, let me know.


At 9:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


First I just want to reiterate what Marie said earlier. It isn't that you didn't send your family enough's that you didn't send ME enough goodies! So, if you would like to work out a deal...I love anything caramel. HA Also, Marie doesn't have me fooled. I KNOW she still has a sailors mouth...she's just trying to impress you.
And one more thing, the next time you want me to come see you all you have to do is call and ask. I'm thinking this is a bit extreme as far as getting my attention goes.
Anyway, all joking aside (and everything I have said so far is a joke - well, except for the part about Marie's potty mouth.)HA
I want you to know how much you are loved. I may be behind the scenes a little bit but I keep up with how you are and how life is treating you maybe more than you know. I was encouraged and rejoiced with Marie when you gave your life to Christ and I rejoice now because your walk thru cancer this time will be different from the last. You have a Solid Rock to lean on now. And I want to remind you that becoming a Christian is not the subtraction of adversity from your life but it IS the ADDITION of a loving, nurturing GOd who will comfort you and give you peace in your time of need. Stay strong Tasha. Your body may be in bondage but your spirit is FREE! Free to run...Free to Dance...Free to live and love the One thru whose blood you are whole! Take heart, Tasha! Cancer may take your breast but it'll never take your freedom!

Know that there are those in Kansas City who love you very much!

At 12:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You had a turtle and didn't let me see/take pictures of it! Do you know how cool that would have made you in James' eyes?

Tasha, I love you. You are far, far stronger than I could have been. I've been trying to find out what the results have been for the last few days, but Chris hasn't been answering and I don't have your number.. duh.. shoulda got it while I was there.

You have done nothing wrong. You (out of any of us kids, cousins and family) did everything right, by the book. However, no one can know the mind of God, no matter which one, or how you believe in God.


P.S. Tell your dad to take care of himself. And give him a hug from me. He's still my father's oldest and closest friend.


At 12:54 AM, Blogger moon said...

Hi Natasha, I am a friend of your cousin Jennifer....I just want to say my heart and prayers go out to u. I think your experience and courage in written word, can only help others deal with or give insight to many others. Different ppl for different reasons will be touched by your story and what u are going through. I thank you for sharing it with us. I have u in my thoughts over here in Montreal Canada...

At 7:25 PM, Blogger not2day said...

I just want to let you know that you are not alone or that you did anything wrong.

Psaml 34:19 - MANY are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them ALL.
I hoe this scripture helps you.
I love you Tasha and I will be there for you no matter what happens.

At 7:30 PM, Blogger not2day said...

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