My Journey

On this blog I intend to document my journey through Breast Cancer again. Yes again. This will be my second go with this disease and I figured this would be a great way to communicate with my family and friends and keep them informed as to what is going on with me.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

First of all, I would just like to apologize for not updating my blog. I know that I told most of you the main reason for me having the blog was to keep everyone updated as to what is happening with me, but I have failed to do so. I truely hope that you can forgive me. See, I did the exact thing that I kept trying not to do and that was not facing the fact that this was happening to me. I kept saying that everything was fine and that I was fine and to some extent that was true, but inside I was surpressing alot of feelings. Not sure why. I guess I thought that if I didn't face it, it wasn't happening and it would just get better on it's own. Well, all it did was get me behind on my email, my voicemail, my blog and just have you wonder if I am doing ok and worry. Again I am sorry for that. Each of you that read my blog has a concern for me, has prayed for me, sent me loving and encouraging cards and some of you have cried with me. I owe it to you to let you know that I am doing much better!!! Before I get into anything else, I would like to let you know about my mastectomy. I went into surgery on September 12th and had a radical mastectomy to my right breast and a simple mastectomy to my left breast.

Me before surgery and my wonderful man Darryl!! Isn't he HOT!!!

My faithful mother Wynell! Couldn't ask for a better Mom!

After surgery. I was starving!!

On my way to my room.
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Surgery went well. A couple days later I received the pathology of the surgery and as expected my left breast had NO cancer in it, however my right breast still had cancer. I had really hoped that when I went in for the biopsy that they would have gotten it all then, but apparently that was not the case. I had 3 draining tubes that I had to keep for about a week after surgery. Those were removed last week and I had half of my staples removed this past Wednesday. I should have the other half removed next Wednesday. I meet with my Oncologist on Monday to get his opinion on treatment, but I also plan to talk to him about going to another Oncologist. I haven't been too happy with the way I have been treated and think that it would be easier on me during my Chemo treatments if I were just to transfer to Flagler Hospital in Palm Coast. It is just 4 miles from my home and if it is anything like my previous Chemo treatments, I would be better off being close to home. Many times I would need to go back to the hospital to get fluids. I will make my decision early next week since I am suppose to start Chemo soon and let everyone know.

Well.. as I was saying previously, I fell into a bit of a slump and I am not proud of it. I have been able to function, but just not "socially function". I really thought that I was ok as far as social interactions, however I found myself isolating myself away from the people that love me. Not because I don't care about them, but just cause I didn't want to talk about anything. I didn't want to deal with any of it!! It seemed that every time that I did talk about it, especially when my bandages came off, I just fell apart. I was feeling out of control and I didn't like that one bit! I remember when the bandages came off and I was actually able to take a shower, I crumbled. Imagine having C size breasts, that quite frankly, blocked some of my view of my belly and then loose them, gain a little weight and look at yourself in the mirror. It was horrible!!! I no longer had the part of my body that evened everything out. I didn't have the hour glass shape anymore and was held together by staples. Literaly that is what it looked like!! Not sure what I expected, but I didn't expect all the staples. You know Sally from the Nightmare before Christmas?? She is the stitch doll held together by stitches. Anyway, I just haven't felt good about myself. I have gained a couple of pounds since I have not been able to do alot of activities. I allowed myself to get used to laying in the bed all day.

All that is over now!! Thank goodness!! My mom and my surgeon had an intervention with me with the Breast Care Counselor at Baptist. I will be seeing the same Cancer Counselor I did last time I went through cancer and he really helped. They made me realize that what I was going through was normal. What was not normal was me not dealing with the issues at hand. Since then, I have made myself get up in the morning and just do something!!! This Friday I went to the Famers Market and had lunch with my good friend and fellow survivor Maggie and my wonderful mother! Just making an effort to do that has really helped! I don't plan on allowing myself to get into another rut again. I plan on adding some additional pictures soon with additional updates. If I haven't said it enough yet, THANK YOU for everyones support and prayers!!


At 12:22 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I am sorry I couldn't be there more for you sis, but thank goodness you have Darryl and Mom and others. I was worried that you would keep some stuff inside to keep us all feeling good about things. Don't ever worry about it!! Let us have it!! We can take it!! LOL. Love ya lots, and am always here if you need to talk.

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Marie said...

I know I don't have to say it, but I am very proud of you. You have so much courage and strength. I'm happy that you were able to "face the demons" and get out of the funk. I'm sorry that I'm not there to be with you through it all but please know that I love you and I am only a phone call away. Love ya sista!

At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Pam said...

You continue to be an inspiration to all!! See you on the 21st!!

At 3:21 PM, Anonymous Aunt Cheryle said...

Hi Tash,
First of all, you don't need to apologize for going thru all the emotions and being a little bit desirous(?) for wanting to have some alone time. Everyone needs to sit back and take a good view of their lives and what is happening in it every once in a while. Do you even REALIZE how much of an inspiration, and how BRAVE you really are by letting your friends and family share this experience with you? I know that I am not there with you when you go thru your surgeries and chemo, but I would be there in a minute if you asked me to be there. I really feel bad about NOT being there for you when you had your surgery. All I can really do is PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Our family has had to deal with SO much tradgedy these past 22 months. GOD has gotten us thru it all. (Isn't HE Great!!) I know I am babbling and you are probably getting tired, but keep your chin up and your spirits high. Don't worry about us, worry about yourself, we can be there for support and be a sounding board if need be (I will anyways) anytime you need me PLEASE don't hesitate to call, e-mail or write me, I will be there if at all possible. If you feel like ranting, crying, getting angry,etc. I will listen. I LOVE YOU, my dear, brave niece. Tell your Mom hi for me.

At 8:03 AM, Anonymous Cheryl said...

Hey there,

I am so happy to see you posting again and seeing you at church on Sunday blessed everyone who got the chance to talk to you!! I am glad you are feeling somewhat better emotionally.. baby steps, sweetie :)

Hope to see you at rehearsal tonight...
I love you and am so very proud of you, and praying for you..



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