First of all, I would just like to apologize for not updating my blog. I know that I told most of you the main reason for me having the blog was to keep everyone updated as to what is happening with me, but I have failed to do so. I truely hope that you can forgive me. See, I did the exact thing that I kept trying not to do and that was not facing the fact that this was happening to me. I kept saying that everything was fine and that I was fine and to some extent that was true, but inside I was surpressing alot of feelings. Not sure why. I guess I thought that if I didn't face it, it wasn't happening and it would just get better on it's own. Well, all it did was get me behind on my email, my voicemail, my blog and just have you wonder if I am doing ok and worry. Again I am sorry for that. Each of you that read my blog has a concern for me, has prayed for me, sent me loving and encouraging cards and some of you have cried with me. I owe it to you to let you know that I am doing much better!!! Before I get into anything else, I would like to let you know about my mastectomy. I went into surgery on September 12th and had a radical mastectomy to my right breast and a simple mastectomy to my left breast.

Me before surgery and my wonderful man Darryl!! Isn't he HOT!!!

My faithful mother Wynell! Couldn't ask for a better Mom!

After surgery. I was starving!!

On my way to my room.

Surgery went well. A couple days later I received the pathology of the surgery and as expected my left breast had NO cancer in it, however my right breast still had cancer. I had really hoped that when I went in for the biopsy that they would have gotten it all then, but apparently that was not the case. I had 3 draining tubes that I had to keep for about a week after surgery. Those were removed last week and I had half of my staples removed this past Wednesday. I should have the other half removed next Wednesday. I meet with my Oncologist on Monday to get his opinion on treatment, but I also plan to talk to him about going to another Oncologist. I haven't been too happy with the way I have been treated and think that it would be easier on me during my Chemo treatments if I were just to transfer to Flagler Hospital in Palm Coast. It is just 4 miles from my home and if it is anything like my previous Chemo treatments, I would be better off being close to home. Many times I would need to go back to the hospital to get fluids. I will make my decision early next week since I am suppose to start Chemo soon and let everyone know.

Well.. as I was saying previously, I fell into a bit of a slump and I am not proud of it. I have been able to function, but just not "socially function". I really thought that I was ok as far as social interactions, however I found myself isolating myself away from the people that love me. Not because I don't care about them, but just cause I didn't want to talk about anything. I didn't want to deal with any of it!! It seemed that every time that I did talk about it, especially when my bandages came off, I just fell apart. I was feeling out of control and I didn't like that one bit! I remember when the bandages came off and I was actually able to take a shower, I crumbled. Imagine having C size breasts, that quite frankly, blocked some of my view of my belly and then loose them, gain a little weight and look at yourself in the mirror. It was horrible!!! I no longer had the part of my body that evened everything out. I didn't have the hour glass shape anymore and was held together by staples. Literaly that is what it looked like!! Not sure what I expected, but I didn't expect all the staples. You know Sally from the Nightmare before Christmas?? She is the stitch doll held together by stitches. Anyway, I just haven't felt good about myself. I have gained a couple of pounds since I have not been able to do alot of activities. I allowed myself to get used to laying in the bed all day.

All that is over now!! Thank goodness!! My mom and my surgeon had an intervention with me with the Breast Care Counselor at Baptist. I will be seeing the same Cancer Counselor I did last time I went through cancer and he really helped. They made me realize that what I was going through was normal. What was not normal was me not dealing with the issues at hand. Since then, I have made myself get up in the morning and just do something!!! This Friday I went to the Famers Market and had lunch with my good friend and fellow survivor Maggie and my wonderful mother! Just making an effort to do that has really helped! I don't plan on allowing myself to get into another rut again. I plan on adding some additional pictures soon with additional updates. If I haven't said it enough yet, THANK YOU for everyones support and prayers!!