First of all, I would just like to apologize for not updating my blog. I know that I told most of you the main reason for me having the blog was to keep everyone updated as to what is happening with me, but I have failed to do so. I truely hope that you can forgive me. See, I did the exact thing that I kept trying not to do and that was not facing the fact that this was happening to me. I kept saying that everything was fine and that I was fine and to some extent that was true, but inside I was surpressing alot of feelings. Not sure why. I guess I thought that if I didn't face it, it wasn't happening and it would just get better on it's own. Well, all it did was get me behind on my email, my voicemail, my blog and just have you wonder if I am doing ok and worry. Again I am sorry for that. Each of you that read my blog has a concern for me, has prayed for me, sent me loving and encouraging cards and some of you have cried with me. I owe it to you to let you know that I am doing much better!!! Before I get into anything else, I would like to let you know about my mastectomy. I went into surgery on September 12th and had a radical mastectomy to my right breast and a simple mastectomy to my left breast.

Me before surgery and my wonderful man Darryl!! Isn't he HOT!!!

My faithful mother Wynell! Couldn't ask for a better Mom!

After surgery. I was starving!!

On my way to my room.

Surgery went well. A couple days later I received the pathology of the surgery and as expected my left breast had NO cancer in it, however my right breast still had cancer. I had really hoped that when I went in for the biopsy that they would have gotten it all then, but apparently that was not the case. I had 3 draining tubes that I had to keep for about a week after surgery. Those were removed last week and I had half of my staples removed this past Wednesday. I should have the other half removed next Wednesday. I meet with my Oncologist on Monday to get his opinion on treatment, but I also plan to talk to him about going to another Oncologist. I haven't been too happy with the way I have been treated and think that it would be easier on me during my Chemo treatments if I were just to transfer to Flagler Hospital in Palm Coast. It is just 4 miles from my home and if it is anything like my previous Chemo treatments, I would be better off being close to home. Many times I would need to go back to the hospital to get fluids. I will make my decision early next week since I am suppose to start Chemo soon and let everyone know.

Well.. as I was saying previously, I fell into a bit of a slump and I am not proud of it. I have been able to function, but just not "socially function". I really thought that I was ok as far as social interactions, however I found myself isolating myself away from the people that love me. Not because I don't care about them, but just cause I didn't want to talk about anything. I didn't want to deal with any of it!! It seemed that every time that I did talk about it, especially when my bandages came off, I just fell apart. I was feeling out of control and I didn't like that one bit! I remember when the bandages came off and I was actually able to take a shower, I crumbled. Imagine having C size breasts, that quite frankly, blocked some of my view of my belly and then loose them, gain a little weight and look at yourself in the mirror. It was horrible!!! I no longer had the part of my body that evened everything out. I didn't have the hour glass shape anymore and was held together by staples. Literaly that is what it looked like!! Not sure what I expected, but I didn't expect all the staples. You know Sally from the Nightmare before Christmas?? She is the stitch doll held together by stitches. Anyway, I just haven't felt good about myself. I have gained a couple of pounds since I have not been able to do alot of activities. I allowed myself to get used to laying in the bed all day.

All that is over now!! Thank goodness!! My mom and my surgeon had an intervention with me with the Breast Care Counselor at Baptist. I will be seeing the same Cancer Counselor I did last time I went through cancer and he really helped. They made me realize that what I was going through was normal. What was not normal was me not dealing with the issues at hand. Since then, I have made myself get up in the morning and just do something!!! This Friday I went to the Famers Market and had lunch with my good friend and fellow survivor Maggie and my wonderful mother! Just making an effort to do that has really helped! I don't plan on allowing myself to get into another rut again. I plan on adding some additional pictures soon with additional updates. If I haven't said it enough yet, THANK YOU for everyones support and prayers!!

I know that some of you have been anxiously awaiting my next entry, so I apology for the delay. Last week I had 2 pre-op appt for both of my surgeries. Went through the normal routine, give blood, pee in a cup and listen to my lungs and heart. Well I was feeling tired last week and had acquired some headaches and come to find out I was a little anemic. Nothing major just was really tired! I didn't want to pursue it because I was afraid that they would not do the surgery on Friday, so I didn't question the nurse. Apparently there wasn't much concern as I had the surgery. The objective was to go in and remove my left ovary if there was a mass or he felt there was cancer present. I am happy to report that all I had was a case of Endometriosis. And surprisingly enough my right ovary was actually fused to my uterus. I had been having problems with my left ovary, not my right. The Dr cleaned out the Endometriosis, did a DNC and unfused the right ovary. NO REMOVAL!!! Praise the Lord!!!

Here is a picture my mom took of my Gynecologist, Dr Chafin, giving us the good news. The other hottie is my man Darryl!

This is also a picture that I have my mom to thank for!! I wasn’t going to post it, but I figured I should since I am documenting everything. This is me in recovery. Obviously I did not know that she took this picture. The thing on my head is a thermometer. I look pretty doped up!!

I have slept the weekend away pretty much. I tend to do that when on pain medication and unfortunately I needed it! The pain that I felt when it was wearing off was not good!! I was very uncomfortable. The weird thing was that parts of my body that they did not do any surgery on hurt, such as my hips and butt. It finally subsided today and today was my first day off pain meds. I am still uncomfortable, but I can handle it. All I can say is thank you all for your prayers!! I know I have people all around the country praying for me and this shows that prayer works!! The next step is my surgery tomorrow. They will go in and remove both breasts in hopes that this will prevent my cancer in the future. I wish that I could say that I was ready, but I don't think that I am. Then I go through Chemo and I know what to expect there, so I am not anxious about that. I will take it one day at a time and deal with what is thrown at me at that moment. I will be in the hospital tomorrow night and hopefully released on Wednesday.

I am very Thankful for having the friends and family that I have. I could never Thank everyone enough!! Your thoughts, cards, gifts and especially prayers are greatly appreciated!!! As always I will keep you updated on my recovery. I love you all!!!!

One quick last thing. I want to share something to you that my sister sent to me. She recieved it from a friend of hers.

I'm doing the Beth Moore study on Daniel right now and one of the things she taught is this. It was during the chapter on the fiery furnace. She used the example of someone who has found a lump as the person who is facing a fiery trial. The 3 scenarios are these:

Scenario A: They look at the lump and it is benign. We are delivered from the fire and our faith is built.

Scenario B: The lump is malignant and they do treatment and things eventually are OK. We are delivered through the fire and our faith is refined.

Scenario C: The lump is malignant, they do treatment and the treatment does not work. We can be delivered by the fire into His arms and our faith is perfected.